In this article, you will find self-esteem facts. That is “What are the self-esteem building activities?” or “the psychology of self-esteem” or “What are the benefits of self-esteem”. After going through this article, you will know how to get high self-esteem & development of self-esteem towards one level up. I have discussed high self-esteem traits as well as to tackle with low self-esteem. By reading characteristics of high self-esteem you will know how to get high self-esteem.
What is Self-Esteem?
Simply, self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves. Self-esteem is our own value. Our own opinion of ourselves critically influences everything. Our performance at work, our relationships with others & our role as a parent, our accomplishments in our life are the few things. Self-esteem is a major factor that determines our success or failure. High self-esteem leads to a happy, gratifying & purposeful life. Self-esteem gives you an internal drive or motivation. All the great leaders & teachers in history have concluded that one must be internally driven in order to be successful in life.
We transfer our unconscious opinions to others & they respond to us accordingly. People with high self-esteem grow in ability, faith & willingness in taking responsibility. They face life with confidence, have the best relationships & more fulfilling lives. They are also motivated & ambitious. They are open to new opportunities & challenges in life.
Self Esteem means our Self Concept:
There is a story about a farmer who planted a pumpkin on his land. For no reason, he put one small pumpkin of a climbing plant hanging a glass jar. After some days he saw that the pumpkin has grown to the size & shape of the glass jar. Just as the pumpkin could not grow beyond the boundaries of the jar, you can not perform beyond the limits of your self-concept, whatever those limits may be.
High Self Esteem & Low Self Esteem:
High self-esteem is visible in respect for one’s self, others, law, parents, & one’s country. The reverse is also true. The following is a brief list that is not all-inclusive but is indicative.
The objective of this indicative list is to provide a basis for self-evaluation, & not to produce guilt. It is not necessary to have all the high self-esteem qualities. Some qualities may be present to a greater or lesser degree. So long as we are able to recognize our goals, we can make an effort to improve ourselves.
Why put on a mask?
A Story: A young executive with poor self-esteem was promoted but he couldn’t adjust himself to his 
new office & position. There was a knock on his door. To show how important & busy he was, he picked up his phone & asked the visitor to come in. As the visitor waited, the executive kept on talking on the phone. After a few minutes, he hung up & asked the visitor what he could do for him. The visitor replied, “ Sir, I am here to connect your phone.”
Why pretend? What are we trying to prove? Why do we need to lie? All types of behavior come from insecurity & poor self-esteem. Our character can be judged by everything we do or don’t do, like or don’t like. Our character is revealed by
- The kind of company we keep or avoid
- How we treat others. Especially our subordinates, the elderly, & the disabled.
- Our choice of books, music & movies.
- The kind of jokes we tell or laugh at.
Every action of ours gives us away anyway, so why pretend? Understand that if a person lives with conviction, sensitivity & cooperation, he can move others with his efforts. The person becomes worthy of self-respect.
Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves. High self-esteem does not mean having a big ego. Unless a person is at peace with himself, he can’t be at peace with others. We need to evaluate ourselves first honestly & put ourselves in order.
Cause of low self-esteem:
We start building our self-esteem, positive or negative, from our birth. We develop feelings about ourselves that are reinforced by others.
Reason 1: Negative self-talk
Negative self-talk is what we say to ourselves consciously or unconsciously. Such as-
- I have a poor memory
- I am not good at science
- I am not a sportsman
- I am not feeling well
Such statements only reinforce the negative & put us down. Very soon our mind starts believing this & we began to behave like that only.
Reason 2: Environment
The greatest gift a parent can give his children roots. The best part of a family tree is the roots. In order for our children to turn out well, we need to spend twice the time & half the money. Parents with high self-esteem, breed confidence & high self-esteem in their children by giving them positive concepts, beliefs & values. The reverse is also true. Children learn what they live-
What children get, they return it to society
Reason 3: Education
Being ignorant is not shameful, but being unwilling to learn is. Children who are taught the importance of honesty during an early age generally don’t lose it. That becomes their part of life. Youth is impressionable. So their mentors, such as their parents, teachers or political leader must be good in their attitudes & behavior.
Reason 4: Poor role model
A school teacher asked a little boy, “ What is his father do for a living? “ The boy replied, “ I am not sure but I guess he makes pens, pencils, light bulbs, toilet paper rolls because that is what he brings home every day in his lunch box,”. Imagine what this little boy does in his future life.
Reason 5: Making an unfair comparison
People with high self-esteem don’t compare with others, instead, they improve their own performance. They compete with themselves.
Reason 6: Failure or Success
With every success, self-confidence goes up & it is easier to succeed next time. For this reason any good leader, it may be parent, teacher, or supervisor, would start with a child off easy tasks. That increases the self-confidence & this will start solidifying positive self-esteem.
Reason 7: Unrealistic Expectations
If an employee can do a hundred things right & one thing wrong, guess what the boss chooses to comment on. Yes, the boss will comment on one wrong thing after acknowledging a hundred right things. If the boss would not mention the wrong thing then the chances are pretty good that the performance next time would drop & there will be 3 to 5 wrong things against a hundred right things. Do not lower your standards of 100 out of 100.
Reason 8: Lack of discipline
Discipline is loving firmness, giving directions, it is prevention before a problem arises. Children brought up in a loving & disciplined environment end up respecting their parents more & become lawful citizens. The reverse is also true. Good parents are not afraid to enforce discipline because of momentary dislike by children.
Reason 9: Labeling
Labels stick for life. Have you heard some parents playfully or affectionately calling their kids “ dummy” or “stupid”? When kids grow up, they will be sure to prove them right.
How To Build Positive Self-Esteem:
Focus on the following points-
Read the life histories of people who have turned a negative into positive, adversity into advantage, stumbling blocks into stepping stones. For example-
Reading these biographies will teach us that successful people do it in spite of problems
Education teaches us what can be done & sometimes also teaches us false limitations.
The only limitations a person has been those that are self-imposed. Do not let education put limitations on you.
Be a volunteer. It builds self-worth. The process of giving without having expectations or getting anything in return raises one’s self-esteem.
Don’t miss out any opportunity to give sincere compliments.
We need to accept responsibility for our behavior and actions & insulate ourselves from excuses.
Self-discipline does not kill joy but builds it.
Set goals. In goal setting, we need to be realistic. These goals are encouraging & builds high self-esteem.
It is better to be alone than to be in bad company.
Happiness is internal. It is like a butterfly. If you run after it, it keeps flying away. If you stand still it comes & sits on your shoulder. Develop a mindset that brings happiness.
Give yourself positive auto-suggestions like “I can handle it”, “ I can do it “, “ I have a good memory “.
Our greatest strength can become our greatest weakness. Listening is a strength. Overextended, however, it could mean that a person listens a lot but does not speak enough. It becomes a weakness.
Have patience. It creates confidence, decisiveness, & rational thinking, which eventually leads to success.
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Nice article! Self-esteem or confidence is so important in life as it makes putting yourself out there much easier. I personally don’t have a problem with this, but I see many others who do. I have sympathy for them and understand the difficulties they’re facing. I think with consistent work over time, one can bring their self-esteem or confidence levels up! What do you think the biggest benefit of high self-esteem is?
Dear Kohl,
There is a lot more, I can write on this subject but there are always limitations there. I can point out a few benefits here to think on. A man with high self-esteem will 1) Regularly & systematically commit a portion of his time & money for charity. 2) He will make a routine of reading and/or listening to inspirational books. 3) He will stay away from negative influences. 4) He will start accepting responsibility for his behavior & actions and ……….
There is 5), 6), 7)………………..but this is not a place ……….Hope you will understand.
Thanks, Chandrashekhar.
This post is very interesting. I must commend you for taking your time to dish out such an engaging write up. The saying goes thus, “catch them young in a right way”. Seriously, I believe the role of parents in inducing positive thoughts, feelings and attitudes in a child would go along way into shaping the self concept developed by the child for themselves. I believe that people with low self esteem can always rise and see positivity alone in themselves too if they receive proper help with determination and readiness to change. An alarming topic you’ve successfully dissected here through this post. Thanks
Thank you RoDarrick,
As you say parenting is a very important role in one’s life. He or She must live their role with responsibility.
People are so busy in their day to day business that they do not give a thought on such subjects & do not even try to change a little bit in them. That is a pity. It will be a great success of this post even the people measured on our fingers will try to change themselves accordingly.
Thanks again.
Chandrashekhar.